Quack, Double O Quack

Fighting Evil in London and Greenwich, England

With David Backman

August 2002

It was an idyllic summer afternoon when NOT Duck, Agent Double O Quack was summoned to M's office. 

"The situation is dire," he was told. 

"Dr. Stoner has threatened to bring chaos to the world by ending Mean Time. He has already been behind several robberies in various high tech companies across the continent. Now we fear he's close to completion. Our sources inform us that he needs only one more component - one that is here in London at the British Museum. Your mission is to stop Stoner from getting this last component, and foil his plans."

NOT nodded solemnly. "I guess I'm off to an afternoon at the museum," he quacked.

After the usual pleasantries with M's secretary, Miss Moneybeak, NOT was off for an afternoon of culture, and espionage.

First stop was to stake out the British Museum. NOT landed on the sign and looked for signs of Dr. Stoner. The crowds were just too big for a small duck, even a secret agent duck. 

Suddenly a shriek hit NOT's ears. There was trouble in the museum! He flew into action and quickly entered the collection of British history. 

He quickly found one of the guards in the Grecian exhibit had been frozen. The work of Dr. Stoner no doubt. The game was aflock.  

Terrified museum patrons made going difficult, but soon NOT found himself in the Egyptian exhibit. Here a tour guide had suffered the same fate - turned to stone at his station. 

And even the animals in the museum were not immune. 

But wait! What's that woman doing? She's not fleeing in terror! What's she up to? She must be an accomplice of Dr. Stoner! He followed her line of site and, of course, he saw what the Dr's target was - the Rosetta Stone!

This will allow him to translate languages. It is one stone that must be kept from Dr. Stoner. 

NOT swooped in and foiled the good Dr's plan moments before he struck. As he escaped, Dr. Stoner warned "You can't stop me, Mean Time is doomed!"

"Mean Time is doomed?" mulled NOT. "What does that mean?" 

"Of course. It's a threat to Greenwich Mean Time. I must get to the observatory there and save the Prime Meridian!"  

So off to Greenwich Agent Double O Quack flew.

Soon he found himself on the grounds of the Observatory. One of the most famous observatories in history, it is the headquarters of Greenwich Mean Time and the Prime Meridian. 

He looked around, desperate to see if Dr. Stoner was there. But he was nowhere to be found. Just to be sure, NOT approached the observatory from neither the west nor the east. Rather he followed 0 degrees Longitude - he approached along the Meridian.

Stoner was nowhere to be found. NOT feared tampering with the time of the observatory - the end of mean time. 

He got a lift to go and take a closer look. 

No, everything looked fine. Too normal. Suddenly he felt himself being grabbed from behind and hit over his stuffed head. 

When NOT came to, he found himself pinned in one of the measure standards, now demonstrating what 3 inches was. 

"Stoner, you fiend! What do you intend to do?" hissed NOT.

"Simple my ducky friend, I'm going to end mean time. Starting right now!"

At that, he pulled out a joint and blew smoke at NOT. "I'm not just Dr. Stoner, I'm a true stoner. I'm going to make everyone happy and high, thus ending mean time, forever. "  

NOT squeezed himself as small as possible, which is very possible for a stuffed duck and special agent, and slipped between the pins holding him to the wall. Quickly he spun and flew at Dr. Stoner, knocking the doobie from his lips.

"Not today Stoner, you're not!" exclaimed NOT. 

Suddenly overcome with the munchies, Stoner and his henchmen went in search of a British 7-11, escaping from NOT and posing threat to the crown, and consciousness of Great Britain another day.

But NOT Duck - Secret Agent Double O Quack will be there to foil his plans. 

Europe Travel

Photos courtesy of David Backman

Last Updated November 2002